Kevin

My second week of work has begun, with all the stress and anxiety that comes with a new job, but also with all the excitement and novelty. I am loving going to work every day, and every time I feel a pang of nostalgia for my lazy days of unemployment, I remind myself how dangerously close to becoming an insane reclusive shut-in I came. Though I miss Dr. Phil and the ladies of The Circle (the less annoying Australian version of The View), I am happy to be taking another step on my way towards assimilation.

I am working at a great company doing customer service, which means that I get to call up confused shop-owners all over Australia and TROUBLESHOOT THEIR ELECTRONICS for them (not kidding). You know when you call tech support and you get directed to “Kevin” in Mumbai and you begin to get the distinct impression that Kevin, though a very nice chap, may not have been christened “Kevin” at birth, but he is doing such a bang-up job with his carefully practiced American slang that you feel sorry enough for him not to scream at him when he fails to do anything productive to drag you out of the torturous technical predicament you have put yourself in? Well, I am the Kevin of Australia. Here is my fictional rendering of a daily phone call:

Me: Hi, how ya goin? This is Ellen calling from [company name redacted so they don’t realize how incompetent I am} and I understand you’re having some trouble with your system.
Confused Shopowner: [suspiciously]Erm, gidday. Hi. What? Yes, I suppose I am…
Me: [feigning confidence] Well, I’m here to talk you through your issue. Can you go through the following steps with me: [reads verbatim from “Troubleshooting Guide” on my desk]
Confused Shopowner: Sorry, what?
Me: [repeats exactly what I just read]
CS: I’m sorry I still don’t understand.
Me: [repeats exactly what I just read]

This goes on until somehow miraculously we have fixed the problem or (as I am beginning to suspect happens frequently) the Confused Shopowner feigns a technical breakthrough to get me out of their life forever, at which point I fight back my tears of inadequacy and, with as much enthusiasm as I can muster, chirp, “Ok have a great day, CHEERS!”

In all seriousness, however, I love my job, the work I’m doing, and the people I work with, and I am doing everything in my power to conquer the learning curve, a natural part of every new job. Working with people truly is my passion, and I am loving getting to speak with all different people from all over Australia and it is a true testament to the friendliness of Australians that no one has screamed at me yet.